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Lately I’ve been having an overwhelming feeling. I’ve been having it so much that it even has a name… it’s called “Charlie guilt”. I’ve slowly come to the realization that no matter how hard I try, Charlie will never have the undivided attention, the consistency, and the priority that Simon had his age.

Charlie is destined to be a different kid and he already is. He spends a good portion of his days watching the rather exciting life of an almost 2 year old toddler, which isn’t all bad… but I’m having a hard time finding the balance between keeping Simon happy and giving Charlie what he really needs.

Let’s Talk About Simon
Simon woke up one morning recently and decided he really wanted to talk. There has been no stopping ever since. Simon has learned the valuable lesson that you can get by in the world on very little. If you just combine nouns and concepts (i.e. “pancake”, “hot”, “park”, “candy cane”, “Mickey”) with simple descriptive phrases (i.e. “all done”, “no”, “more”, “hi”, “bye bye”), that’s pretty much all you need. In the world of a toddler, your communication desires focus on wanting to acknowledge when things come, when things go, and when things happen. And more importantly, you want to be able to tell people when you want more of something you currently do not have (“more pie”) or you want something to stop that you aren’t enjoying (“all done plane”).

Besides talking, Simon is getting extremely interested in socializing. He loves to dance. He loves to make Mom and Dad laugh. He likes to say “Hi!” to random people on street. He’s a sweet kid that sees the value of sharing (most of the time), of making someone else smile, and of encouraging others to participate with him. When he feels like he is done something to make someone else happy, he shines as a result. He also likes figuring things out on his own, and feeling like he has mastered something challenging.

The times when he isn’t his best are usually the times when his needs aren’t met. If he’s hungry, tired, or bored… if I’ve taken him into an exciting situation and then immediately given him boundaries that are hard for him to understand. Those are on me. But… there are still times where he wants something so badly that he is unable to understand that he cannot have it. Those are the opportunities I have to teach him valuable life lessons. But THAT isn’t easy and THAT takes time. And now that Charlie is in the world, it happen to take time away from Charlie and his needs…

Let’s Talk About Charlie
Charlie is a very happy baby. He smiles constantly. He comes in for snuggles (although that sometimes results in a head butt and a hair grab). He even hides is face from strangers, because he can’t contain how happy he is when he gets smiles back. But this happiness is also a problem, because I take it for granted. Because he such a happy baby, I find it easier to justify pushing his nap or not coming to get him right away. It’s harder for me to notice that he is not getting what he needs.

Charlie’s problems are becoming our problems. Sleep is an issue. Charlie doesn’t get enough sleep during the day and that leads to him being very restless and overly tired at night. Who can blame him? Charlie wants to watch, he doesn’t want to sleep… and mom and dad aren’t making it easy anyway. They are running around during the weekends, taking Simon out for fun. The result is that Charlie is a pretty exhausted little baby.

It’s not just sleep that feeds into this “Charlie guilt”. It’s also the idea of what I had time to do with Simon… like sing songs, talk to him, get on the floor with him during tummy time and actually play and interact no matter how exhausted I was. I don’t get to do that as much with Charlie, and instead of teaching him to enjoy independent play and discovery, it’s more about being held by mommy, watching big brother, and getting upset whenever she leaves the room.

Whether rational or not, I have to try and actively overcome my Charlie guilt each and every day. I have to remind myself that in a world where I gave into every single need of Charlie, I would create a world in which Simon would become a sad, frustrated, bored, jealous boy… where discipline isn’t enforced with care and consistency… and that’s not acceptable either. I can’t get rid of Charlie guilt only to create Simon guilt.  Instead I need to find the balance and I need to be okay that I’m never going to feel like I’m completely doing everything I need to do.

That’s the balance of having two kids. It’s something I am learning more about every day, and hopefully at some point I will feel like I’m a master at it.