WOW… As my husband sits to my left digging into a delicious looking birthday cake and my newborn son sits sleeping to the right (after his second successful latch on!!)… I feel like I am in a dream. Maybe because I am operating on little sleep or maybe the emotions are starting to kick in.
I’m feeling like I want to share my experience before it becomes a complete blur, so here goes…
Arrive at the hospital in a blizzard at 6 pm. We wait and wait for the doctor to come and check me out. I am dilated to a ‘good two cm’ which means they are ancy to start me on pitocin rather than a cervix softener. Pitocin also means I am bed bound, which didn’t sound like fun to me!!
But I convinced them to let me try the softener. They did and they stripped my membranes… The first in a fun series of pokes and prods and bloody sheets that has me feeling like I just walked out of a horror film.
Even after a good amount of walking, lunging, hula-hooping, squatting with my ‘ripe’ cervix… nothing, no contractions, nada… or so I thought. Turns out the general dull crampy ache I have been feeling this whole time is just my ongoing very close together but mild contractions.
Cervix checked and not much more dilation. I am a little frustrated but realize pitocin might be in the cards, and maybe that isn’t bad. Two concerns: #1 what is the pitocin doesn’t work or works too slowly… #2 what if my contractions get intense and stay this close together.
Turns out I get the worst of both. Contractions start and they are pretty much constant. With pain every 1-2 minutes, the hour crawls by at a ridiculously slow rate. Tom and I do good with breathing, but I feel discouraged when I have only dialated to 3 cm after an intense hour of pain.
Time to call in the doula. As we wait for her to arrive in the blizzard, we face another hour or so with progressively stronger and stronger contractions. Again, only dilated to 4 cm.
It might seem ridiculous for me to complain about a centimeter an hour, but when that hour is basically one non-stop no resting contraction… It drives you a little mad. Here I was ready for medication too early, a big fear of mine.
I chose to go for the Stadol to ‘take the edge off’, not the epidural. I got a lecture about how it may or may not do anything and how it may even stall contractions. I was terrified but also desperate. And I was so glad I took it.
It is unlike me to appreciate the effects of a mind-altering drug, but the Stadol finally allowed me to give into the contractions… and also it made me so drowsy that I took mini-naps between each one.
By the time our doula, Lidia, arrived… I had just taken the medication and was feeling loopy but positive. My two person support team worked hard so I just let the experience take over. I was saving up energy in between and then all the sudden I started feeling an overwhelming urge to push!!
We were still waiting on the Doc to decide whether 4 cm was enough to break my waters and all the sudden my body was telling me to push, push, push!! We called in the nurse and I had gone from 4 cm to 9 cm in a huge jump.
First I was trying to hold off for the epidural and worried I couldn’t and now it was possibly too late to take it. The experience was so fast it was freaking me out… The doctor wasn’t here yet, my mom was still on her way and the last time we talked to her we were thinking she had more time. The new intensity of the experience and the idea the baby’s head could rip through me any moment scared me, so I asked in a moment of panic if we could try the epidural.
There I was sitting with my back bent over less than 5 minutes later, prepping myself for a big needle to the back when I felt a huge contraction. It got bigger and bigger and I could not deny the urge to push. I had visions of squishing my newborn son’s head against the hospital bed but really what I was feeling squish then pop then gush was my bag of waters. I threw myself back down into recline mode and had a big push… The baby was coming and he was coming quick!!
I had Lidia on one arm and Tom on the other. I have never felt so supported in all my life, I felt so scared but strong because of them and their excitement and encouragement. My legs were wobbly Jello and I was trying so hard to hold off on pushing… I was waiting for my doctor, I was waiting for my mom, but mostly I was still scared.
The doctor arrived not a moment to soon and demanded I push with the pain and stop trying to do breathing exercises. All the pushing is a blur, I have no idea how long it lasted but all I know is that it felt like an impossible feat. It felt like I was starting over with each contraction although the people at the other end told me I was making progress.
And finally it happened, his head popped out and the rest followed as his new grandma… Amma Loretta… walked into the room. Although she had been holding out by the doorway thinking she might have the wrong room, after all this crazy lady was pushing out a baby already. All the sudden this white slimy creature was placed on my belly before I even knew how to process anything. Who was this creature looking up at me?
Well, I guess I am going to spend the next few decades finding that out. But for now it is time for me to sleep, in a room with my exhausted and wonderful husband and the newest love in our lives… Little Simon Giles Strickland. Born 01/08/2010 in Wayne, Michigan. A healthy 7 lbs 8 oz and 20 inches with an Apgar of 9 (nice and pink). Off to a good start.
And a big thanks to my doula and my mom, who both ended up coming right and the right time. Lidia to help me and Tom through our dark moments and my mom to help cuddle a crying newborn so that the new parents could get some much needed rest and recovery!!!
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