As expected, Simon’s second week proves to be a little bit more draining and challenging… sleepless nights, frequent feedings, and confusing crying fits, all the joys of being a new parent.


Do Simons Dream of Electric Boobs?
I struggle with how much to let Simon sleep during the days, but he seems so peaceful and adorable. The minute I put him on my chest and he listens to my heartbeat he passes out in my arms. I’m also curious as to whether or not he dreams… sometimes he will startle himself during his sleep, his little arms and legs shooting straight out. Is it just a mess of colors and sounds in his sleepy head, memories of the womb?

But Simon is not the only one with strange dreams this week… the lack of a regular night rhythm is causing Simon to creep into not just my dreams, but Tom’s too. Tom dreamed that newborn Simon turned to him like in a horror film and asked “Daddy, why do you hate me?”. I dreamed that Tom and I were out shopping and I realized I had left Simon at home with no one watching him for hours.

It’s weird that guilt and bad parenting has manifested in both of our brains during the night. It must be the result of the complex emotions of wanting sleep for yourself, but also wanting this new companion to be happy and not always being able to please him as easily as you had hoped.

Our Little Puzzle Box
One day at a time… that’s the motto for this week. Simon is a peach during the days (most of the time), but nighttime is a different story. Sometimes he will sleep for a 3 hour block and it will seem like things are going to be okay. Sometimes he will fidget and fuss for an hour or more, not all out cry the whole time, but it’s obvious he’s awake and it’s hard to tell what he wants or needs. Putting him down only leads to more crying. Some nights where this happens enough, we find ourselves going a little crazy.

That’s the other thing… his needs are becoming more complex. It’s not always a wet diaper or hunger, now there is the desire to be swaddled, the desire to be unswaddled, craving the pacifier, the desire to be held or paid attention to, or sometimes too much stimulation and not enough rest. It’s hard to tell what calms him down. Did he really want the pacifier, or did he want to be fed and we just happened to make him forget for half an hour?

It’s hard enough to decode for ourselves, and then you add in the flood of differing opinions out there. Pediatrician says to start moving him slowly towards a schedule after the first week, but many books and friends say wait. Too early for a pacifier? Too early for a rattle? Too early for tummy time? Too early for a bedtime routine?

Every book will give you a different opinion, and I’m still trying to find my own “style” (although it feels too new to have a style). It also feels too early to let him “cry it out” or become independently amused, but the “attachment parenting” techniques are incredibly draining. While co-sleeping seems to help Simon sometimes, it certainly doesn’t help mommy or daddy get any sleep. Simon screamed bloody murder when I tried to put him in a baby-wearing sling, but at the same time he doesn’t want to be put down more and more.

And so I try and balance… but it’s hard to know if I’m doing the right thing.

Trying To Appreciate The Present
My goal for next week is to try and give into my situation more and appreciate the present. It has been really tempting for me this week to look not only back (at the freedoms we so recently had) but also to look forward.  I want so badly to be able to take Simon for walks in a stroller, to read to him and have him enjoy it… to tickle his belly and have him laugh, to make him new food to try… to have him interact rather than stare off into a daze.

But he is sweet and in so much need of us. He doesn’t throw tantrums or create huge messes. He doesn’t tell me he hates me or that I am ruining his life… and although he also can’t tell me he loves me, I know he does. So while I have the time off, I am dedicated to trying to enjoy my little eating, pooping, feeding, sometime cross-eyed, barely interactive, highly precious lump. Or else what am I here for?

Firsts This Week

  • First Roll Over: When everyone was watching at our “Simon meet and greet” this weekend, Simon had his first full roll over during tummy time (which he still hates).
  • First Day Out: Tom and I decided to not be cooped up in this house, and to take Simon out to lunch after his doctor’s appointment. He mostly slept while we enjoyed some tasty beer.
  • First Toy: Pratibha got us a colorful rattle we’ve been using to see how Simon’s vision is developing. Sometimes he is interested and sometimes not so much

Favorite Picture(s) of the Week

Daddy’s Favorite

Mommy’s Favorite