Now Entering Parenthood...

Sleep, Oh How I Miss You
It seems like I didn’t realize just how much my body missed sleeping until I got a few longer stretches of it. After an evening where Simon was overstimulated (the kid is gonna have to get used to it!!) by adoring grandparents, uncles and an aunt… he was inconsolable and hyper-awake for two straight hours. After which he passed out for a six hours stretch, fed, and then had a four and a half hour stretch. I woke up not rejuvenated, but feeling as though I finally got a taste of something I needed SO very very much more of…

And so we have begun sharing nighttime feedings. I am not back to work yet, but it doesn’t matter. My body is telling me I have hit a limit and I need to do something to increase my sleep, or else I am going to (and already have on occasion) become an illogical emotional wreck. Sleep = sanity.

Only problem with sharing the nights is that Simon still is not on a “schedule”. He can take one to four naps. His bedtime is anywhere from 6:30 to 9:00 pm. And every night is a new adventure, as far as how often and when he might wake up to eat. Is my baby supposed to be on a schedule by now? Should I be doing more to help him get on a schedule?

Wait, I Thought I Said I Wouldn’t Do That!!
How quickly do you forget the things you tell yourself before you have a child…

1. I will never feel bad or inadequate or self-conscious for having a crying baby in public, let alone in front of friends and family
2. I will never compare Simon’s development to other kids and wonder if I am doing something wrong
3. I will avoid Google-diagnosing my child at the first sign of something weird. I will take the advice of others with a grain of salt and trust my gut

All good advice. All harder to follow than you think as a self-conscious new mom.

It doesn’t help that Baby Center keeps sending me e-mails of week by week milestones and sample “baby schedules”. In almost every single one, a glowing mom goes on about how her two month old baby is sleeping through the night and chowing down on 4-5 ounces of formula. How am I not supposed to wonder if formula = the secret to sleep? Or start thinking that maybe I’ve not built Simon’s stomach up enough, since he only takes around 2 ounces of breast milk in a sitting… and still wants to feed every 2 hours?

You can drive yourself crazy and search engines are a never-ending tool to allow you to affirm and negate whatever viewpoint you are investigating. Supplementing with formula… will make baby and mommy happy or will instantly cause your milk to run dry. Adding rice cereal to breast milk… secret key to sleeping through the night or leading cause of childhood food allergies. Take your pick!!

Which is why I am so grateful for a dose of realism from…

An Amazing Circle of Support
On Sunday, Jocelyn and her sister-in-law Anne came over with their adorable children… Toren (9 months), Emmett (11 months), and Gwen (3 years). It was just the type of mild chaos we needed. A house full of a variety of children getting into things, playing, laughing, crying, feeding, etc.  I also have great friends at work who all have little ones of their own, and their anecdotes are always a constant source of amusement and enlightenment.

That has been the stuff keeping me the most sane… hearing other women I respect remind me that it’s okay to… feel slightly excited to return to work and have someone else take over a little bit of the burden of taking care of Simon. It’s okay to want to buy a swing, so that I can have somewhere to put Simon down, somewhere that makes him happy and possibly even fall asleep. It’s okay to enjoy this portable stage… the magical car seat that creates a calm and “take me anywhere, even to that nice wine bar” baby.

There is just too much to feel guilty about when you read all those attachment parenting or self-confident baby books that want you to feel like ANYTHING that makes life a little easier, ANYTHING that cuts corners a bit, ANYTHING that acknowledges your own needs is BAD BAD BAD. But, I am realizing more and more everyday that… Happy mommy and happy daddy makes happy baby!!

Simon goes into day care in a little over a week. And yes, I am a bit excited. I love our time together right now, but I will be a better mom if I can get my adult world interactions out during the day and have more focus and dedication with him on the weekends or at night. I will feel more complete and balanced. And I can’t convince myself that makes me a bad person or a bad mommy.

Too Many Good Photos To Count
We got a whole amazing series of photos when Lon and Roxy where in town that are up on Flickr… here are some of the highlights below.