Now Entering Parenthood...

My Head @ 2 AM

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:28:00 -0500

I will teach my child to be more patient
I will teach my child to be more empathetic
I will be more patient and empathetic
~~I will encourage my husband to be patient too~~
I will stop being a backseat parent

I will make my child healthier meals
I will make my child eat those healthier meals
I will not use bargaining or rewards
I will make mealtime more calm and enjoyable

I will spend more time with my kids
I will pay more attention to my kids
I will enjoy my kids, and care less about _______ (work, house, finances)
I will care less about what other people think

I will stop feeling so guilty
I will start thinking about what I’m doing right
I will go the fuck to sleep… I need to go to sleep

This Unconditional Kind of Love

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 11:34:00 -0500

Kids are a pain in the ass. Kids are the most amazing thing you can do in life. Sure, I haven’t saved a life or climbed Everest or given a year to humanitarian aid… But I still feel like at the end of all that I would come back feeling like having kids was the most meaningful thing I did in my life. For people without kids, I’m sure that sounds at best cliche and at worst self-centered. For people with kids, I am sure it strikes one of those chords deep in your heart, one of those ones that aches.

It’s all because I read this article which should be required reading for anyone who has kids, anyone thinking about having kids, or anyone who wonders why the hell any of us have kids…

“As an adult, you may think you’ve roughly mapped the continent of love and relationships. You’ve loved your parents, a few of your friends, eventually a significant other. You have some tentative cartography to work with from your explorations. You form ideas about what love is, its borders and boundaries. Then you have a child, look up to the sky, and suddenly understand that those bright dots in the sky are whole other galaxies.”

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH SIMON
A friend of mine once asked me, “Don’t you feel like this is the first time you’ve experienced unconditional love.” And when I hesitated, she asked, “You don’t think you really had unconditional love with Tom, now do you?”

The question resonated. Was she feeling something more with her son than I was with mine? Or did I just love Tom more than she realized?

My love affair with Simon has always been what I would call comfortable, observant, respectful. There was this moment I had when Simon was barely a week old, and I laid him on my chest as he fell asleep and started singing him a song. I began sobbing uncontrollably. The love I was feeling was so new, so raw, so deep and scary that I think from that moment on I tried to keep it in check.

There is no mistake. I love Simon with all my heart, but because I was so afraid of that deep raw uncontrollable burst of love… I think I rushed my love affair with Simon straight from honeymoon to old married couple. Simon and I are an awesome team. He can have his bad days, I can have my bad days and we both know we are still made for each other.

We have our secret language, our jokes, our way of communicating even without words. He’s confident that when he wakes up in the morning that I will be right there waiting for him. He’s so confident that he is not afraid to wander off in the mall, go explore the world, do his own thing… Mommy is home base, but Mommy is not the most interesting thing in the world. We are comfortable.

And the only time I have ever been scared for ‘us’ is about a month before #2, Mr. Charlie, came into this world. I started getting really scared about how Simon would feel. And I made this completely secret, and also completely naive, promise to myself to always put Simon’s needs first. Simon trumped this unborn baby, but that’s because I had not ever met this baby…

MY LOVE AFFAIR WITH CHARLIE

“The Cancer man knows exactly how to a take a woman into his Crabby grip and keep her there forever. Maybe he squeezes a little too hard, pulls you a little too close. But you don’t mind.”

Let me start by saying I think astrology is bunk, but this quote had me believing. My little Cancer boy is clingy, rough, tough and I love it. Every time he entangles his baby fingers in my hair, pulls HARD, and dives his little baby face with hot breath into mine… I feel alive, I feel in love. Charlie love is visceral, in your face, here and now, and for some reason I am allowing myself to soak in it, I am letting it seep into my bones.

I love Charlie like a new obsession. Like the freshest of crushes. If I spend a day without him, I find myself obsessively thinking of him, guilty I cannot be with him. If he has a bad day where he isn’t in the best of moods, it hits me hard… Does he doubt my love for him? Does he feel like he isn’t getting enough of me?

It’s deliciously toxic and intense. I am letting myself experience all the vulnerability and insanity that I felt in that one moment with Simon and terrified me. With Charlie, I swim in it. I let it get to me.

There are these odd moments in the day, when I am holding him, where I envision terrifying things. Like, what if I just let go and dropped him down the stairs? What if I just left him here out in the cold? I don’t know why my subconscious inserts such horrors in my head, but I think it is the equivalent of putting your finger on a shocker. It’s a quick painful hit that gives you adrenaline.

I feel that shock, and I squeeze Charlie close, hard… Like someone is trying to take him away from me. Like tomorrow he won’t be there. And I realize how I no longer can survive without him. This small little man that I was so willing to put his needs below Simon’s… Now I just honestly couldn’t live unless he was alive as well.

I am nurturing a mama’s boy. I no longer care about independence. I just want his crabby claws dug into my heart forever. But I know I need to begin to let go some day, I am just nowhere near ready yet…

MY NEXT BIG LOVE
No, this doesn’t mean I am thinking about having another kid. Although I have learned that there is room in a mother’s heart for many many loves, I do think that I have hit my personal limit. Everyone has their personal limit.

What I mean by my next big love is that I am starting to feel this warm swelling in my chest, this new fluttering crush sensation, this wonder and this peace… And it is attached to this new idea. It’s brothers. Every time I see Simon and Charlie interacting without me, when I see the sense of wonder in Charlie’s eyes watching Simon or Simon doing something sweet… “Der ya go Charlie”. Handing Charlie toys, trying to make him laugh.

I crave more of it. It’s addictive, and I get teary eyed just writing it. I want so badly for these two boys to find love in each other the way I have found love in both of them. Nothing in life could make me happier…

THE EPILOGUE
Yeah, yeah… So I guess there is also some big life news and stuff too. Charlie turned 7 months old, and is starting to get up on all fours (just barely). He finally cut two teeth and is starting to sleep through the night on occasion again. He loves Ollie probably more than any other living creature in the world. The mere thought of that cat sets him into squealy giggles.

And then there is Simon. Now the two year old. A big number, and yet that still scares me less than the idea of Charlie turning one this summer. Simon is such a big boy now… Dancing, imagining his stuffed animals are real, jumping, watching movies, making up his own delightful routines, like naming off every body part on his face for us to kiss before bed (eyes, nose, cheek, chin, other cheek, head).

But best of all… Simon Giles Strickland is potty trained. Let’s hear it for a delightful little man and no more diaper changes. Sigh :)

That’s all I’ve got. May each of you enjoy your children and the loves in your life in your own unique ways. After all, why else are we alive? I’ll end with another quote from that awesome article that keeps echoing in my head…

The first four years of your life. Do you remember them? What’s your earliest memory? It is fascinating watching your child claw their way up the developmental ladder from baby to toddler to child. All this stuff we take for granted, but your baby will painstakingly work their way through trial and error: eating, moving, walking, talking. Arms and legs, how the hell do they work? Turns out, we human beings are kind of amazing animals. There’s no better way to understand just how amazing humans are than the front row seat a child gives you to observe it all unfold from scratch each and every day, from literal square zero. Children give the first four years of your life back to you.

Video

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 11:05:00 -0500

A Toddler's Guide To LA

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 21:31:00 -0500

I meant to put this up the minute we got back from visiting Uncle “On” and Aunt “Rocky” in California, but I got distracted. Without further ado, here are our tips and tricks for what the toddler-approved activities are in the greater LA area.

GRIFFITH PARK
With Lon and Roxy living right next door, we found ourselves at this LA iconic park multiple times. More specifically, we visited a playground called Shane’s Inspiration, Travel Town Museum, and went for a hike up to Griffith Observatory. There is actually even more to do in the park, including a current zoo and an abandoned zoo, merry-go-round, pony rides, and so much more. And the best part of all… it’s all FREE.

What Simon Loved
Running up and down the big empty train cars in the Travel Town Museum, bouncing on the tracks, hearing his echo. Picking up a walking stick and venturing into the woods. And you can never go wrong with a big large playground safe to let a toddler go wild.

What Simon Didn’t Love
Having to walk for too long, especially when Mommy and Daddy wouldn’t let him venture off the track for fear of falling off the side of the mountain.

SKIRBALL CULTURAL CENTER
This place is a hdden gem for sure. You have to get tickets ahead of time, and they aren’t particularly cheap for a museum where you will only be going to one exhibit… but the Noah’s Ark exhibit is amazing and you can kill a solid few hours just in it’s four incredibly interactive rooms. Religion not required!!

What Simon Loved
Loading all the animals two by two onto a track that you could move to pull them up into the ark. Using brooms to sweep up the fake poop. Making your own storm sounds. Playing with animal puppets (actually Charlie at 5 months old LOVED the puppets and lightning even more than Simon).

What Simon Didn’t Love
Not much. He wanted so badly to climb up the ropes into the upper part of the rooms, but wasn’t old enough or coordinated enough. He also wasn’t too interested in the lady trying to make him dance like an animal. But for other kids, it would be great.

LA BREA TAR PITS
This museum was incredibly small and far too much money when considering all the amazing free LA activities. It might be worth a visit if you are nearby, just to walk the grounds. Or if you have an older kid really into fossils. But in general it’s a pretty skippable stop.

What Simon Loved
Running around in the big open spaces outside. Climbing the giant staircase to get a look at the trees on the roof. Hiding in the jurassic sized plants in the gardens.

What Simon Didn’t Love
Having to stay away from those interesting looking bones and stuffed animals. Blocked only by velvet ropes which seem pretty easy to get around, except mom and dad keep pulling me away.

CALIFORNIA SCIENCE CENTER
Huge, interesting to adults and kids alike and OMG… FREE!! I don’t think I’ve ever been to a cool science center that was free, let alone one this awesome. We only got to explore the Ecosystems and Living World exhibits, but that was enough. Good for kids of all ages (well, except maybe Charlie’s age, but even then they had designated “family” rooms with puppets and puzzles and things to chew).

What Simon Loved
Jumping on the big bed in the Blues Clues looking Family Discovery Room. Building puzzles with puppets. Running around. Touching a giant ice wall. Watching a flash flood, waves, giant fish. Seeing bugs eating away at rotting dirt. Standing in front of a giant wind machine.

What Simon Didn’t Love
There is a good number of exhibits that are too tall, too complicated, or too boring for a 2 year old… microscopes, movies. But there were so many that were enjoyable that I am having a hard time remember what was bad.

SANTA MONICA PIER & BEACH
This was one of the few places I had been before. I knew I wanted to come back, but didn’t know how much time we could really kill here. The answer = pretty much the whole day. Between the beach, the playgrounds, the rides, the shops, and the pier itself… you can do a lot. And we didn’t even get to the giant carousel or the aquarium.

What Simon Loved
Running up and down the pier chasing pigeons and listening to his feet on the wood. Cheesy rides where he could control the plane he was in moving up and down. Free stuff like the sand, the sun, and the ocean… especially running in the sun to throw clumps full of muddy sand in the ocean. Good thing we had extra clothes.

What Simon Didn’t Love
Having to walk for very long up and down the beach because the stroller sure wasn’t cutting it in the sand. Simon also really wanted to figure out the paid binoculars, but couldn’t understand how to close one eye and look through the eye piece with the other.

DISNEYLAND
The mother of all childhood experiences. Does it work for a 2 year old? Answer is a resounding YES. Disneyland pretty much works for everyone. Our top Disneyland moments included meeting Mickey Mouse and watching Simon’s face as we went through some amazing rides. He got so excited by the end that he would say “more ride” the minute we got off one.

What Simon Loved
Who knew, but Simon LOVED Mickey Mouse. He gave him a big hug, he honked his nose and tried to touch his eye. He was super shy and happy and then very adoring. Simon also loved all the colors, sounds, movement, music, spectacle. He loved the rides… Small World, Buzz Lightyear, Haunted Mansion.

What Simon Didn’t Love
Waiting!! And worse yet, rides becoming broken after you waited. We minimized wait times by arriving early, using fast passes, having a wait time app. We made the waits we did have enjoyable with snacks and having entertaining stuff to look at (videos on phones help). But in the end you have to balance rides with run around and explore time, or you will have an unhappy toddler.

FINALLY… DETROIT METRO AIRPORT
I hadn’t even really thought about it until looking through my videos, but Simon LOVED the airport. Detroit McNamara Terminal is a real winner. Not only do you have a giant tram, but endless series of moving walks, and who doesn’t love that psychedelic light up tunnel. Simon and I got to spend a good hour here by ourselves killing time while Tom ran back to the house to get his forgotten cell phone before our flight. Yeah DTW!!

The monster awakens. Little Charlie used to intently watch Simon...

Sun, 01 Jan 2012 14:29:41 -0500

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

The monster awakens. Little Charlie used to intently watch Simon play with toys… now he wants part of the action. He wants to feed himself, play with big brothers stuff and he gets very angry if you stand in his way. Watch out!!

The Balance of Two

Thu, 08 Dec 2011 09:51:00 -0500

Lately I’ve been having an overwhelming feeling. I’ve been having it so much that it even has a name… it’s called “Charlie guilt”. I’ve slowly come to the realization that no matter how hard I try, Charlie will never have the undivided attention, the consistency, and the priority that Simon had his age.

Charlie is destined to be a different kid and he already is. He spends a good portion of his days watching the rather exciting life of an almost 2 year old toddler, which isn’t all bad… but I’m having a hard time finding the balance between keeping Simon happy and giving Charlie what he really needs.

Let’s Talk About Simon
Simon woke up one morning recently and decided he really wanted to talk. There has been no stopping ever since. Simon has learned the valuable lesson that you can get by in the world on very little. If you just combine nouns and concepts (i.e. “pancake”, “hot”, “park”, “candy cane”, “Mickey”) with simple descriptive phrases (i.e. “all done”, “no”, “more”, “hi”, “bye bye”), that’s pretty much all you need. In the world of a toddler, your communication desires focus on wanting to acknowledge when things come, when things go, and when things happen. And more importantly, you want to be able to tell people when you want more of something you currently do not have (“more pie”) or you want something to stop that you aren’t enjoying (“all done plane”).

Besides talking, Simon is getting extremely interested in socializing. He loves to dance. He loves to make Mom and Dad laugh. He likes to say “Hi!” to random people on street. He’s a sweet kid that sees the value of sharing (most of the time), of making someone else smile, and of encouraging others to participate with him. When he feels like he is done something to make someone else happy, he shines as a result. He also likes figuring things out on his own, and feeling like he has mastered something challenging.

The times when he isn’t his best are usually the times when his needs aren’t met. If he’s hungry, tired, or bored… if I’ve taken him into an exciting situation and then immediately given him boundaries that are hard for him to understand. Those are on me. But… there are still times where he wants something so badly that he is unable to understand that he cannot have it. Those are the opportunities I have to teach him valuable life lessons. But THAT isn’t easy and THAT takes time. And now that Charlie is in the world, it happen to take time away from Charlie and his needs…

Let’s Talk About Charlie
Charlie is a very happy baby. He smiles constantly. He comes in for snuggles (although that sometimes results in a head butt and a hair grab). He even hides is face from strangers, because he can’t contain how happy he is when he gets smiles back. But this happiness is also a problem, because I take it for granted. Because he such a happy baby, I find it easier to justify pushing his nap or not coming to get him right away. It’s harder for me to notice that he is not getting what he needs.

Charlie’s problems are becoming our problems. Sleep is an issue. Charlie doesn’t get enough sleep during the day and that leads to him being very restless and overly tired at night. Who can blame him? Charlie wants to watch, he doesn’t want to sleep… and mom and dad aren’t making it easy anyway. They are running around during the weekends, taking Simon out for fun. The result is that Charlie is a pretty exhausted little baby.

It’s not just sleep that feeds into this “Charlie guilt”. It’s also the idea of what I had time to do with Simon… like sing songs, talk to him, get on the floor with him during tummy time and actually play and interact no matter how exhausted I was. I don’t get to do that as much with Charlie, and instead of teaching him to enjoy independent play and discovery, it’s more about being held by mommy, watching big brother, and getting upset whenever she leaves the room.

Whether rational or not, I have to try and actively overcome my Charlie guilt each and every day. I have to remind myself that in a world where I gave into every single need of Charlie, I would create a world in which Simon would become a sad, frustrated, bored, jealous boy… where discipline isn’t enforced with care and consistency… and that’s not acceptable either. I can’t get rid of Charlie guilt only to create Simon guilt. Instead I need to find the balance and I need to be okay that I’m never going to feel like I’m completely doing everything I need to do.

That’s the balance of having two kids. It’s something I am learning more about every day, and hopefully at some point I will feel like I’m a master at it.

Interview with Daddy: Two Growing Boys

Tue, 08 Nov 2011 09:46:00 -0500

Alright, so first things first… Last time Charlie was only one month and you called him a little alien without much of a personality.

How would you describe Charlie now?
He’s a snuggly smiley little munchkin. I love him. He’s so chill. And definitely a chubby ball of fun. Definitely chubbier than Simon was at this age.

What’s your favorite thing about Charlie at 4 months?
The amount of smiles I’m getting. He’s so happy all the time, I just have to look at him and he smiles back like “Hi Daddy”. He’s permagrin.

What’s an area that could use some improvement?
I guess sleeping but he’s starting to get better. He’s doing just fine. I consider us lucky that he is even sleeping as good as he is at this age. But consistency would be nice.

Like how last week he slept through the night 4 times, and this week he’s up 4 times a night? Yeah, consistency would be pretty nice…

What are you looking forward to next?
That’s a tough one. I honestly don’t want hit to change. If I could freeze him like this I would. I don’t want him to be mobile. I just wish he could stay like this forever. He’s just a snuggly ball of love.

Last interview you also talked about how you were most looking forward to being able to talk to Simon and having him respond. Tell me about Simon now…
He’s definitely come a lot farther. Simon is like a little buddy now. Halloween was just one of the best times I have ever had with him. He’s just so much smarter, that you can tell him what you want him to do and he understands.

Like after a couple houses he understood the process of what we were doing and he loved it. Trick or treating is not something he’s ever been told about, but you explain, “This is what trick or treating is” and he’s like “Okay I get it, this is fun”… The walking up to the door, the putting the candy in the bucket, the walking away on his own and saying “Byeeeee.”

What’s another recent favorite Simon moment?
Just his humor. He knows that messing up my hair is funny. How does he know that? And then there are some things I taught him. Like the way I reacted to his stinky diapers, now whenever he farts or poops he goes “Ewwww” and waves his hand in front of his nose.

What’s your favorite new Simon phrase?
“Oooh No!” He talks a lot, there aren’t many phrases, but there are some like “Mama Dee” (Mommy’s drink). But I still just love the way he says “Hi!”

Just last night I came up to say goodnight. It’s weird to walk into a room that is pitch black and just hear this little voice in the corner go “Hi!”. If it wasn’t so damn cute, it would be horrifying.

How has Simon been driving you nuts?
He’s strong willed now. Like I took him out to rake leaves with me and I thought he would be interested in helping me picking up sticks, and I could hang out with my son. And he wouldn’t at all. He just kept running into the garage and trying to get on the moped. He isn’t good at focusing, or he just isn’t interested or something.

Do you think he is a good big brother?
Apparently day care says they see things that we don’t. He will run over to Charlie and protect him if anyone comes near him. He checks on him through out the day. I love the occasional kiss that Simon decides to give Charlie. So far he’s pretty loving.

We are about to go on our first big family trip… Any fears or things you area looking forward to?
The plane ride I am most afraid of, but also the time change is terrifying. Those are scary obstacles to get over with two kids. But I am excited to see Simon and if he will have fun at Disneyland or any of the places we take him to. I’m looking forward to him going “WOW!” I could listen to that all day. He is so impressed by everything.

Fast forward to next summer or the one after… What are you looking forward to the most with the boys?
Activities that we can do together that are more engaging, like when I was out there raking leaves. I want him to stay by my side and not wander off. I want him to be like a little sidekick. He kinda is but he is just too curious about everything. And who knows what Charlie will be like.

That’s kinda lame… Like your are looking forward to raking leaves with your son. Making them do chores. What about camping or opening their eyes to new things?

Your are misinterpreting. I mean like having a ball and getting him to play catch. Any activity where he is actively involved with me. He can do that sometime now, like playing a game with me on the iPad, but I want him to last a little longer.

Any closing thoughts?
When we told people we were having Charlie so close to Simon, people were all sympathetic and telling us how it was going to suck. But now that we are in it, I feel like we are doing just fine. It doesn’t feel like an impossible burden. I’m not saying its easy, but I was afraid that I’d be dwelling on it every day. That we didn’t have things the way we planned, but now it feels fun having them this close. Once they both can walk and they can be real brothers… That’s going to be fun, I hope they stay buddies.

Missing My Sweet Charlie

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 00:08:00 -0400

I’m in love… I’m just smitten with a handsome little man named “Charlie”. I don’t even know how to describe it, other than it feeling like complete infatuation.

I’m trying not to feel guilty over the other “loves” in my life. Maybe it is because I returned to work this week and maybe it is because Simon has been a complete wreck (exhausted, cranky, tired, sick… poor baby). But, I find myself daydreaming about pulling Charlie tight into my chest and kissing his squishy soft neck more than ever before. I also find this unbearable guilt that I am missing out daily on his sweet smiles and coos.

I don’t remember feeling quite this strong of separation anxiety with Simon. Maybe it’s because I know this will be my last baby, and maybe it’s because I know what I’m going to miss when this phase is over. Or perhaps just I’m a little more relaxed about exactly what to do with a 3 month old, since I’ve had one before… and I am able to better appreciate all the snuggly sweetness that Charlie brings to the table.

Sigh… either way, it’s hard not to remember back to the days of summer. My “Simon + Charlie” days were always action packed. We went to as many places as our energy and time would allow. We would go to parks, run around, draw with chalk, finger paint, build blanket forts, sing songs. But my “Charlie” days were just amazingly chill… sometimes I would just snuggle with him in the bed or out on our deck for hours while reading. Sometimes I would take him shopping and enjoy the smiles he cast my way while we wandered around the store.

Oh Charlie!! The idea that someone else is receiving those smiles from you all day long is killing me right now. You are my carrot during a hard days work… the idea that I get to come home and pinch your little chin keeps me going all day long.

The Secret Language of Simon

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 09:24:20 -0400

I decided to keep track of the things I heard Simon say through out the summer. Right before I had Charlie, I realized that the list of words that Simon used or I had once heard him say (two very different things) was getting a bit long to just keep in memory, plus he was picking up new words at a rapid pace.

(click to view full list)

By the end of the summer, I have assembled quite a lengthy list, and I’m pretty amazed by the diversity of sound, gestures, actual words, and made up language that this growing little man exhibits. So here is how the categories break down…

The Everyday Words
These are the words that you can get Simon to say over and over again when prompted (“Say doggie”). These are the words he will say unprompted when he sees a picture or a real life version. They may not sound exactly like the way we say them, but they are part of his everyday vocabulary.

Examples: Wow-wah (flower), shoe, doggie, ducky, diddy (kitty), ball, gah (car), oppy (happy), dibba-dibba-dibba (Yo Gabba Gabba)

Demands and Expressions
These are harder to get him to say on demand, because they are associated with things he wants. Sometimes he says them so forcefully and with such emotion that I wonder if he even realizes what he is saying, or if he is just slipping out phrases he things he has heard before. Some of these are used everyday, some come out only when he really means business.

Examples: All done, down, mow (more), I need it, I want it, I want out, now

The Lazy Language
I guess it’s not giving him enough credit to call it “lazy”, but Simon has decided that some words aren’t worth the effort of pronouncing the whole thing. Or maybe the whole thing is just too hard to pronounce. Or maybe the English language just sounds too much the same to his toddler ears, but he has invented a whole language of first letters or sounds that relates to a whole series of words.

Examples: Bee (bear, bunny, berry, any fruit), Dee (drink, cheese), Ah (on, off, hot)

It Sounds Like This
Some objects have such interesting sounds associated with them that the sound overrules the actual word. We know he knows the word because you can ask him to “Say ______” (water, moped, etc) and he choses instead to make the sound. He knows what it is, what it is called, but prefers to speak in sounds.

Examples: vehicles = “brrrrrrrrr”, water = “psssshhhhh”, stinky = “ew” and wave your hand, yucky = makes a fart noise, yummy = “mmmmm”

The Magic Disappearing Words
These are words Simon has said once (or sometimes more than once that day). I have them on my list, and then they are never heard from again. Tom writes them off until he hears them himself, as would I… so I am at a loss to try and replicate them.

Examples: Elmo, Brobee, food, peas, milk, kick, horsey, blue, shirt, turtle, bike

The Great Unknown
Then there are just phrases and words and sounds that roll out of his mouth so confidently that I am at a loss to understand. It took us months to figure out “dibba-dibba-dibba” meant Yo Gabba Gabba. It’s enough to drive a person crazy, but it also makes me realize that if I hadn’t spent my summer carefully observing my in progress human experiment, I may not be as good at communicating with him as I even am. It’s a crazy language, that of a toddler, but I feel pretty smart having cracked the code this much.

A Toddler's Guide to Oakland County

Tue, 30 Aug 2011 22:35:29 -0400

The Players: Mommy vs Toddler
The Challenge: Keep toddler occupied, while keeping mommy sane

With the support of playdates, a spouse, parents, friends and a local line-up of incredible toddler friendly venues… I am happy to say I not only survived my summer maternity leave with both a newborn and a toddler, but it was possibly the best summer of my life.

I feel like I know so much more about my child, my surrounding area, and motherhood than I did a mere 10 weeks ago. Not just 10 weeks later, but 6 parks, 5 museums, 4 waterparks, 3 beaches, 2 farms, and 1 zoo later…

Best Outdoor Park = Hess Hathaway
I do love Dodge Park #5, which is enclosed in white pines and offers giant soccer fields for an energetic toddler to run wild on. But the prize has to go to Hess Hathaway, which has a huge toddler friendly playscape, a giant sandbox, a maze, a shaded eating area, and a petting farm. Priorities for a good park this summer included enough shade to park and nurse Charlie, low traffic, and a safe enough area to let Simon run wild without me having to run after him every minute.

Not so toddler friendly is the park at Inglenook Park in Southfield and Milford Central Park. Both are really awesome parks, but only offer parental stress in the way of ultra tall slides, insanely busy traffic, nearby fast streams, etc. Maybe next summer.

Best Waterpark = Waterford Oaks (outdoor), Huron Valley schools (indoor)
I have not been to Red Oaks Water Park, but I have been to Kensington Metro Park’s Splash ‘n’ Blast. Kensington is nice because there is the beach and the splash ‘n’ blast area, which is pretty much all toddler friendly and Simon approved. Priorities for a good waterpark included shaded seating, not too deep water, and access to food. Splash ‘n’ Blast fails to bring the food and the shade.

Waterford Oaks in Waterford, however, has great food, plenty of shade, and a fairly toddler-friendly play structure that has kept Simon busy for hours. He also enjoys the wave pool. But, unlike the regular parks, I have never attempted a water adventure with the kids without another adult… but a low key day at Waterford Oaks might be doable. Charlie naps in the shade within clear eyesight, and if he gets hungry there is always a stroller to strap Simon into while I nurse.

The Huron Valley high schools, both Lakeland and Milford high school offer indoor waterparks, which are far cheaper than Waterford Oaks, and offer some deep water to practice swimming (which Simon doesn’t love yet). Only drawback is no strollers allowed, so no way of restraining an active toddler if the newborn needs attention.

Best Day Trip for a Rainy Day = Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum
Not really a full “day trip”… for that I’m loving Great Lakes Crossing Mall, which has a kids play area, Rainforest Cafe, a carousel, and lots of interesting stores and room to run around. But none of that can compete with the look of sheer joy that came over Simon’s face when he realized that coin + machine = action at Marvin’s Marvelous Mechanical Museum. The best part is that the machines are so close together that there isn’t much room for a toddler to shimmy his way behind or wreck general toddler havoc. I don’t think I’ve ever gone through quarters so quickly!!

Best Day Trip for a Sunny Day = Greenfield Village
Henry Ford Museum was kinda a bust. Simon liked looking at the cars and big trains, but the museum is pretty tiny for the cost of entry. However, Greenfield Village is HUGE… too huge to conquer before nap time even. And, unlike Henry Ford, the actual exhibits feature large glass walls, so tiny hands and bodies can’t get in. Simon enjoyed just running up to house after house in the Porches and Parlors section, and going inside to explore… and I felt safe letting him do it!

Also, the train rocks. I dreaded the idea of a 30 minute train ride without seat belts, but as soon as that train got moving, all I heard for half an hour was “WEEEE! WEEE!”.

I hate to say it, but lower on my “sunny day fun” list was the Detroit Zoo. I think I need Tom involved to prop Simon up on his shoulders, and too take turns walking him around, because the view at stroller height is just not the best and all that time in the stroller with not enough action is not as toddler-friendly. Still, it was fun for mommy who got to have a playdate with her friend and co-worker, Erin… who’s little Tait was born less than 24 hours after Charlie.

Parting Words of Wisdom

Always bring snacks!! Snacks keep a toddler not only happy, but occupied. An occupied toddler stays happy when strapped to a stroller for too long. And a hungry toddler also stays near the person who has the snacks, which is essential while breastfeeding an infant.
Love that double stroller. That double stroller works as a purse, as a diaper bag, as a snack and activity dispenser, a sun shield, and as a way to restrain and keep a toddler safe when necessary (which is often). By the end of the summer I felt like I could go anywhere as long as I had my double stroller with me.
Invite friends. Whether your friends have kids or not, it’s an extra set of hands and eyes and some adult conversation. Plus older kids help keep younger ones in line and interested in safer activities.
Better than books are real life things… Use your adventures to enhance your toddler’s growing vocabulary. Why just read about cars and trains or lions and bears, when you can go somewhere and actually see them in action!

The Charlie Nobody Sees

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 14:43:00 -0400

He is the one that smiles and chats with me during the day…

I love this Charlie, and I’m afraid that not many people are going to get to see him for a while. Daddy is only familiar with angry Charlie and sleeping Charlie (although not as much as we would like).

The Only Thing That’s True Is… Every Child Is Different
It’s the overriding consensus we’ve been getting ever since we started this parenting gig, but it doesn’t really ring true until you have an actual second child to compare everything to. Everything seems rosy in retrospect, and you find yourself wondering why Charlie doesn’t do things as easy as Simon, when really maybe it wasn’t easier… it was just different.

Bottle-feeding!! Who knew that something so EASY with Simon would become such a nightmare with Charlie? I guess I should thank my lucky stars that both of them have been such amazing breastfeeders. They latched right away and no sore or cracked nipples. They both never seems bothered by what I ate, and happily took the breast. Charlie takes it a little too happily… he eats all the time, every hour when he is awake, and has started refusing to take anything else. Boo!

So, needless to say, anyone without the magic boobs doesn’t get to see Charlie the way I see him. With a full belly, he is seriously one of the sweetest babies alive. He started cooing and smiling long before Simon did. And I just felt the need to share :)

Today I caught Charlie smiling on camera… and believe me,...

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 14:19:00 -0400

[Flash 10 is required to watch video.]

Today I caught Charlie smiling on camera… and believe me, he does more than this, big minute long grins… it’s his little known secret.

Charlie speaks…

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 12:40:56 -0400

Charlie speaks…

Interview with 'Daddy' (Charlie @ One Month)

Mon, 25 Jul 2011 10:01:00 -0400

So, one of the thing about having two kids, including a newborn, is that it doesn’t leave you much time (or energy or creativity) to blog. If you are on maternity leave, then maybe you can find a hour somewhere, but if you are working, then no way. I really wanted to get Tom’s thoughts on here, so I decided to interview him.

Charlie, the one month old, how would you describe him?
Well, Charlie is pretty typical. He doesn’t seem colicky. But he is still an alien, and doesn’t have much of a personality yet. So its a little early to ‘assess’ him.

Well, what about physically?
Right now? He looks like Lon but it is hard to tell who’s genes he got. He looks pretty unique and I have no idea where the red hair came from. Oh and he’s really cute… most of the time.

What about having two kids has pretty much been how you expected?
Really it’s just that our personal life is gone. It wasn’t gone with Simon, but now it’s pretty much gone. It didn’t really kick in how true that is until you are in it.

And what has been different, or not how you expected it?
Simon taking to him so well and not showing any sign of jealousy. We were all worried about that but it’s nonexistent. Simon is cute with Charlie. The other day, I had Simon in the bjorn and had to pick up Charlie because you were gone. They we’re pressed up against each other. Simon wrapped his arms around Charlie and went ‘hmmmmm’.

Aww… You didn’t tell me that. I like how he talks about ‘beebee’ as part of the family. Every night he goes through the family in bed, ‘Mama, dada, beebee’. The other night he asked for ‘beebee’ when I was tucking him in and when I gave him his baby doll, he hugged it and slept with it.

So speaking of the baby, what had you forgotten about taking care of a newborn?
I had forgotten about constantly having to console them. What sucks the most is having two kids right now is having one that needs constant attention. There is just nothing fun about that. It’s draining, you can’t stay up late ever.

Well there has to be something you forgot that was good too, right? Something you missed?
The snuggling, absolutely.. You can’t snuggle Simon at all without him looking at you like ‘Put me down… Now!!’

What has been harder than you remember with Simon?
Well, you keep saying I forget, but I say getting him to go to sleep… He goes down and everything is fine, then 5 minutes passes and he is pissed off again. Diaper is changed and belly is full but he is still pissed off. It takes a lot to get him down.

I can agree with that. He sleeps longer periods than Simon… Not consistently, but I know Simon was up every hour and half to two hours at this age. Charlie can get a good solid four hour sleep, but he then takes 45 minutes to get back down. It’s grueling, but maybe it will go away faster this time?

So what has been easier than you remember with Simon?
I have more confidence because I’ve been through it. Like we took him out right away and keep going out. Not that it is any easier but we are more willing to do it.

What are you looking forward to in the near future?
When they can both understand what I say. When they can talk to each other. When I can say ‘come here’, ‘look at that’ and get a reaction.

But Simon does that. You can tell him to bring you something or look at something. Ignoring ‘come here’ is more an obedience issue we need to work on, but he’ll do it if he’s not interested in something else.

Okay, well… I just want consistency. And I want to know he understands. When I can ask ‘was that fun?’ and get ‘yeah’ as an answer. It’s just so limited right now.

So what about Charlie? Something you are looking forward to with him…
The smile, the giggle. Right now Charlie to me is just very angry and unhappy all the time.

He does smile! Actually, he’s been doing that for a while, but it is rare. But during the day he has been getting more alert and starting to ‘coooo’. I sang to him the other day and he gave me a big grin, it kinda freaked me out. It was creepy but cute, since you don’t really expect him to express emotion yet.

So Charlie doesn’t do much yet, but what about new things with Simon you are enjoying?
Well there is his new word ‘oppy’ (happy). I love that. He grabs his jukebox and said ‘oppy now’ meaning he wants to hear the song (‘if you’re happy and you know it’). In general, he’s just saying more words and showing more intelligence.

Like what? Anything surprise you lately? Like ‘woah’, how’d he do that?

What do you mean? I don’t know, what about you? You spend more time with him during the day… Give me an example.

Okay. I guess I’m surprised by how easily he remembers things and how quick he is to imitate us. It’s adorable and I guess makes me realized I need to be a bit more conscious of what I do. So the first time we played with Mr. Potatohead, I stuck the glassed on my face and the tongue in my mouth. He thought it was so funny, and now he wants to do it to his own face every time the toy comes out. He also makes a little song (‘do do do’) when he stacks his blocks, because I did it without even realizing it once. He’s a sponge.

Yeah… Like when he wants to ride the moped and he goes and pulls out the bjorn and points to my keys. He knows the keys are needed to make it work, and I never showed him that. It’s crazy. It shows that he is paying attention ALL the time, even to what we consider mundane. He figures stuff out quick and is getting really good with his fingers, like when he plugs in the tiny AC adapter plug to the monitor or my PSP. I mean, that sucks, but it is still impressive.

Anything else?
Have you gotten any random hugs from Simon? Those are the best. I like that he likes love. He likes being loved and giving love. I guess you can’t ask for much more than that.

18 Months + 2 Weeks = Lots of Work

Mon, 11 Jul 2011 12:16:53 -0400

And so the summer begins, two kids and tons of trouble…

Charlie @ Two Weeks: How Quickly We Forgot
Right now Charlie is a big ball of mystery. We aren’t sure who he looks like or who he will look like, seeing as though Simon didn’t look like “Simon” at two weeks old. We can’t even agree whether or not we have a red head or a blond, whether his eyes are blue or that weird newborn “shark eye” look.

The only thing that is certain is how easily you forget what taking care of a newborn is like. It’s easy and it’s tough all at the same time. They sleep, they eat, they cry. The problem is how frequently they cry, how long they cry, and how you somehow convince yourself that you have no idea why they are crying or that you know exactly why but then fail to end it. At first we thought Charlie was soooo different than Simon, but then I read back over my old blog posts and found some familiar words…

CRAZY EATING HABITS
“I’m declaring it a ‘growth spurt’, because he sure feels heavier and longer and I can’t think of any other reason why he would all the sudden need to eat nearly every hour.”

Charlie has been ‘cluster feeding’, meaning that he will go for hours eating, and then sleep for hours. I started thinking he might have silent reflux, but the past couple days he’s been getting more regular. So I guess an early growth spurt?

TROUBLE SOOTHING
“His needs are becoming more complex. It’s not always a wet diaper or hunger, now there is the desire to be swaddled, the desire to be unswaddled, craving the pacifier, the desire to be held or paid attention to, or sometimes too much stimulation and not enough rest. It’s hard to tell what calms him down.”

Charlie actually is pretty easy to soothe so long as you have boobs full of milk. But in the past couple days I’ve noticed other things soothe him as well. Actually, to the exact opposite of Simon, these don’t seem to be the pacifier or the swaddle, but he loves being put in a carrier on your chest and he loves being swung around.

In fact, the only thing that has proved to be incredibly different about Charlie has been his parents and their behavior. We are doing things differently. Within the first two weeks, we had only taken Simon outside the home once. Charlie has been out and about almost every day, which probably explains why we have had more issues soothing… we haven’t been as courteous about an early schedule, although we’ve been very willing to make feedings and soothing work “on the go”.

I also am becoming more of an attachment parent. Baby wearing, co-sleeping, loads of snuggling. Honestly it is more for convenience than any philosophical reason. Chasing after a toddler and doing housework is much easier wearing a baby. With his constant nursing needs, there is just no other way to do it besides co-sleeping, unless I wanted to be up all night in a chair.

It’s already going by so fast. While part of me wants to fast forward to the day where Charlie is a cute chubby baby who sits up and smiles and giggles. Or to the summer days where Simon is chasing him around the yard through sprinklers. But there is no rewind button on life, so I better appreciate my little tiny baby while I still have him. He’s already growing off the charts!!

Simon @ 18 Months: Laugh, Cry, Sing, Dance
My not so little man. I can’t look at him anymore without thinking about how HUGE he looks, especially his chunky thighs, which just look far to big to be protruding from diapers. He’s a little boy and he proves it more and more every day. He’s sweet, he’s smart, and he’s super duper stubborn when he wants.

Naptime has become a bit of a struggle. It doesn’t help that it is a moving target… as his 11:00 AM nap slips to a 12:30 or later afternoon nap. It’s hard to tell exactly when to put him down, and then he needs a good hour of supervision, getting put back in his bed over and over again until he falls asleep.

Yes, he has figured out that you can actually get OUT of the toddler bed. He has also figured out that he isn’t allowed to be out of his toddler bed. So instead of playing with his toys in the middle of his room, he will sneak out and bring toys and books (and book ends, blankets, whatever else is handy) into his bed with him. He’s a hoarder to the point where one night he put so much in his bed, there was no longer room for him to sleep.

He’s smart. Too smart sometimes. He has started figuring out how to “un-baby-proof” all our baby proofing in the house. He has learned where the keys to the moped are, and will point them going “brrrrrrr” in the hopes that someone will take him for a ride. He knows where the buttons are that turn on everything from the TV to the leaf blower to the stereo.

He also knows how to push MY buttons, especially when it comes to mealtime. It’s the time of day I feel the most frustration being a parent. He refuses food without tasting it, food I KNOW he would like. One day he likes something, the next day it might as well be liver. And there is also a good amount that ends up on the floor, despite all my attempts to train him to put it on a “discard” plate.

I am at a loss for how to discipline him consistently, effectively, and still manage to get good nutritious food in his belly. And for every 10 times that I am ready to scream, there is one time that goes so well that I feel like I’m making progress… where he gobbles up good healthy food, every bite, happy and sweetly.

That’s the thing. Simon is really sweet. He says “HI” to complete strangers, he gives me and the “baby” kisses just out of pure love. He recites a vocabulary list of family members to help him go to bed at night (“mama, dadda, baby, bapa” [grandpa]). And when he sat on my lap last weekend watching fireworks with wonder and awe… holding me close for safety and comfort… I couldn’t think of how I could love anyone more.

Big Bug, Little Bug
Simon has been doing really well with Charlie. He doesn’t try and hurt him, he just likes to pet his head. He likes to point at him and say “baby” all the time, and will often go looking for him in common spots (bassinet, bouncer, car seat). He likes to help me out by bringing me a pacifier or a blanket, and he doesn’t even flinch when Charlie is crying… it might as well be background noise.

Simon is dealing with the divided attention better than I am. Sometimes I feel on top of the world… SUPERMOM!! Ready to tackle anything my two boys throw at me. So confident at how good I am at entertaining and interacting with Simon even with Charlie nursing or sleeping on my chest. Other times I feel spread thin, like I’m not giving either proper attention, like I bit off more than I could handle. Why did I try and take them to the store by myself? Why did I think Charlie wouldn’t need to eat or Simon would stay entertained for more than 2 seconds?

But even on the hardest day, I’m finding more enjoyment at home in “mom” world than I think I did the last time around. So much so that I wouldn’t mind having at least one day a week like this for the long haul. But that is a little too much to think about right now. Just got to take it one hot, sunny, incredibly busy day at a time :)

Big Brother Meet Little Brother

Sun, 26 Jun 2011 21:04:59 -0400

In the wee hours of June 23rd, while Simon was sleeping, his little brother Charlie was prepping to be born. We left the house shortly after Simon woke up, only able to say hello in passing and Charlie was born at the hospital before Simon was even down for his morning nap. Over the course of breakfast, Simon went from only child to official “big brother”.

First Encounters
Luckily we were able to capture the moment on film, which took some coordinating with nap schedules and holding Simon’s attention upstairs while Mommy and Daddy snuck Charlie into the house.

I think that Simon was kinda spooked by the fact that his parents just showed up out of nowhere, and put all the attention on him. I don’t know that he knew just what was different, but I have to imagine after having us gone for 24 hours unexpectedly and then return… Mommy this time without a big huge belly, he was a little unsettled.

Beyond first time jitters, Simon has had the same level of emotion and enthusiasm around Charlie so far. It’s fascination and interest with the “beebee”, who he loves to point to and talk about. Sometimes it is hard to keep him away, as he wants to touch Charlie’s hair, try and give him a pacifier, and press his chest to see if he makes noises like his baby doll.

Other times it is complete lack of interest, just like any toy in the toy box he has seen enough of and is ready for something far more interesting… like an electric drill. Now that is more fun than a silly “beebee”.

Simon, Who Is This Little Boy?
One thing I was surprised by is how instantly I felt slightly disconnected or changed in my feelings towards Simon. I left the house head over heals in love with him, with him being my sole focus for nurturing and consideration.

I came back to the house feeling a little changed. Simon seemed bigger, less familiar, and as Tom had warned, more capable than we should be giving him credit for. After all he is still a technically a “baby”, he is still MY BABY. But I’m already feeling that nagging divide of attention.

But after a first moment of strangeness, like seeing a loved one after a while away, it faded. I’ve been trying to spend one-on-one time with Simon. At breakfast the next day I am reminded of all the little things I love so much about him. He tries to feed me, tries to make me laugh… he is a neat nick, he is stubborn, he is insanely affectionate, he loves being the clown, he is curious and kind. But, if there is one thing he isn’t any more… it’s my only responsibility.

Charlie, My New Peanut (aka Parasite)
Wow, I forgot what this newborn thing was like, and I guess Charlie may or may not be different than Simon in some ways. I don’t remember constantly nursing Simon, and yet here Charlie is basically wanting to hop from one breast to the other, back and forth, until he passes out for a few hours. It’s not even worth timing or keeping track of. It’s on demand, it’s all the time.

I also forgot just how insanely delicate and tiny newborns are. Wrapped up in blankets, Charlie is just this little lump of soft squirmy flesh. Glassy eyes that open up in wonder and amazement at the world. He seems so lost and innocent, you can’t help but want to protect and take care of him. It’s almost painful to look into the eyes of something so helpless… it’s also hard to believe in a few short months, he will be a moving babbling baby just like his brother was.

And that’s the other thing. Now I look at Simon, and there is this sense of pride and appreciation. Simon represents a year and a half (plus some) of hard parenting work. He is an end product and a work in progress. Charlie is a blank slate, which is exciting and terrifying. Who is he going to be? What’s he going to look like? But in the meantime, how can I find enough time to snuggle this must-be-snuggled creature while chasing down a toddler?

A Glimpse Into The Future
“Where’s Simon?” After 2 minutes of taking pictures of my mom and Charlie, we became intensely aware of the silence in the house. Look into the hallway, front door wide open and Tom runs outside to find Simon in the garage on his moped “Bbrrrrrrrr”. This is the future. Split attention and mini disasters averted.

Luckily Charlie doesn’t move, but he cries. In my attempt to get a bath during one of his sleeps, he woke up and cried which ruined Simon’s nap. While Charlie was sleeping and I was watching Simon… I tried to go to the bathroom for a minute and a shrieking playful Simon decided to wake Charlie up.

So, at this point my summer looks like this… nobody gets sleep and Mommy doesn’t really get to do normal functions (eat, bathe, poop) until Daddy gets home. Well, until I become a pro at this. Here’s hoping!!

Welcome To The World, Charlie...

Sun, 26 Jun 2011 20:48:00 -0400

He’s here!! Weighing in at a whopping 8 lbs 9 oz, Charles Martin Strickland arrived to the outside world on Thursday, June 23rd at 9:42 AM.

For those not interested in birth stories, skip this post and read the next one… it’s cuter, has pictures, and does not contain the word “vagina”.

The Birth Story of Baby Charlie
I don’t get to begin this story “on a dark and snowy night”… Charlie was born in the exact opposite season from Simon. In fact, on Wednesday afternoon I had taken a chance against the impending rain and took Simon to his first waterpark. It was a great way to spend my very last day as the mother of only one baby.

I kinda knew that night was going to be the night, but I have been trying REALLY hard not to get excited when my “intuition” speaks for fear of disappointment. The night before I had been kept awake by 3 hours of pains that I kept anticipating would turn into contractions, and I wasn’t too keen on having another restless night unless it was the real deal. And just like many women say over and over again, when it is the “real deal” you know it… or so you hope.

Why Do Contractions Always Start In The Middle of the Night?
At 2:30 AM early Thursday morning, I started feeling contractions. After reading up on false vs real labor previously, I was fairly certain these were real contractions. They weren’t in my belly, they were “down there” low and echoed into my back and outer thighs. They would last a good solid minute, and after some experimenting I figured out that they weren’t going away when I moved into different positions.

What’s weird about the whole “experiment” is that I wanted so badly for them to be real that I was actually afraid to make the disappear. I spent the first hours of my labor not “dealing” with contractions but challenging them and willing them to return. It wasn’t until about 4:30 AM that I decided these were real and I should have a good long soak in the tub to relax myself. At that point, they were still only coming every 7-8 minutes apart and the pain was very manageable.

The “life” of a contraction… from the minute they started until the minute they ended I was shocked at how consistent my contractions were in duration and “style”, varying only in interval and intensity. They always lasted 60-90 seconds. Like a wave, the pain would build up and peak at 30 seconds, very intense ache in my vagina. Then the pain would dissipate into my lower back and outer thighs. If it was a “bad” contraction, the pain in my thighs could last a long time and be pretty miserable. Like punishment from having done a million squats a previous day.

At 5:00 AM it was time to convince Tom to wake the hell up… he was not really so convinced but mostly grunting in his sleep. I was impatient and told him that I would time the next couple contractions on my phone to show him this was no false labor. The next few contractions came even further apart but were so intense that I was starting to have to do breathing and humming to get through them.

This Ain’t No False Labor, Baby
Enough was enough, it was hospital time, and I knew that meant calling my mom and waiting another hour for her arrival. While Tom was on the phone with my mom, my contractions started picking up and coming 4-6 minutes apart. After he got off the phone and said something to the effect of… “I told her we’d give her a confirmation call on her way to be sure these don’t go away”. I showed him my phone marking contractions 4 minutes apart. “Oh shit!!” he says… “Umm, yeah, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you, these aren’t going away, so you can officially wake up now”

I make fun of him, because after that point Tom was nothing but helpful and supportive. Turns out I had freaked him out about false labor almost as much as I had done for myself, so lesson learned ladies.

In what seemed like it took forever of waiting in our bed upstairs watching a horrible episode of some home design show, my mom finally arrived at 7:00 AM. I was feeling very anxious to get to the hospital. Contractions were making me very restless and I decided to walk around during the last few… which is when stuff started going at lightning speeds. Within two minutes of my mom’s arrival, I lost my mucus plug (for real this time), was fairly certain my water was about to break, told Tom we needed to go NOW, and was on the road to the hospital.

7:30 AM… arrive at hospital. Contractions seem to be more bearable en route and waiting at check in desk, although I was kind of pissed they let the induction patient register before me. So I made sure not to hide it when I did have a contraction while waiting to get into triage.

7:45 AM… triage, we are hoping for “big numbers” here. The nurse is quick to do all the necessary checks (ultrasound, vitals) before the big one (cervix). I am quick to tell her I want an epidural this time, and I don’t want to miss my window. She checks my cervix, I am at 7 cms, completely effaced and a “bulging bag of waters”. Lightning speeds just escalated to light speeds and I can feel that epidural window start to close.

No Pain, No Gain? Or… How I Missed My Epidural Again!!
Things begin to get a bit blurry. I don’t remember my contractions really from the minute we left home up until the whirlwind of nurses and papers and questions slowed down. At that point things were getting really intense, although I still had time to rest and sign paperwork in between. What I do remember is insane pain in my legs and waiting forever for the results of my platelet count to come back in order to get the damn epidural.

At what must have been already after 9:00 AM… one of the nurses began acting as a birthing coach with Tom and I. She moved me onto my side to help relieve the pain in my legs. She was giving me leg and back rubs. And, lord help her, she began to convince me that getting an epidural was not really in the cards.

I will not lie. I was devastated. I was terrified. I knew I was on brink of pushing, and the idea of doing it again without any sort of pain relief scared the crap out of me. I just literally did not think I could do it, and then… just like last time… my water broke and I knew I had no choice. I was on a speeding train and it had already left the station.

Right before my water broke and for the time after, every contraction would now come with a period of time where I was involuntarily forced to “bear down”. Like vomiting or orgasming, I don’t know how anyone in the world could actually fight this urge. I just simply had to do it. My body wanted the baby out and the sooner the better.

This time, the doctors gave me a lot more instruction, for better or for worse, during the pushing phase. Some of it was too much for me to take in the moment, like having to pull my own legs up to my chest and put my chin down. Some of it was really helpful. Every time I felt the “fire”, which I can only assume was my skin pulling or tearing a bit too much, they told me to SLOW DOWN and do little pushes. As a result, I walked away with barely a tear, only a few stitches, and no episiotomy.

And Out Pops Charlie…
The doctor made me feel Charlie’s head with each push. I wasn’t really all about that, until I felt it the second time and realize how far he had made it with one push, from about 3 inches in to right there at the exit. I only had to give about 4-5 good pushes during the whole “push” phase to get him out!! And like that, he was here in the world.

Now, when they lay your new slimy child on your chest, maybe for some mothers an insane pride and instinct takes over. Although, from the TV shows I’ve seen, most moms look and feel just about like I did. You are overwhelmed, and you just aren’t exactly ready to handle the new life that is currently laying on your belly… and really you are just ready for the team of people to back away from your vagina and leave you alone to recover from what just happened.

Slowly but surely that happens, and with every passing hour, the pain and intensity of what you just endured fades… Natures wonderful way of making sure that we continue to procreate even after going through something so painful.

Rating the Pain… Induction Vs. Natural Birth
I am mostly writing this post for the women I know who have yet to go through a birth experience. Every birth story is unique, but I found reading in detail about other people’s experiences helpful for me to understand what is profoundly scary and hard to anticipate. Even though I had gone through it once before, I was fairly scared this time around, since I had never been through a “natural” birth and was hoping I got to experience it.

So… what was different? What was the same? Well, pushing without an epidural was exactly the same, equally as nerve-wracking. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you are facing down the situations I was. I am glad I did not get an epidural both times, because frankly it wouldn’t have done a damn thing and I would have been stuck with numb legs for hours afterwards. Plus, this time around having a doctor that actually stopped me from tearing myself up, I actually appreciated feeling where my limits were when it came to pushing. Apparently I’m not supposed to push until I tear myself up. Thanks Dr. Davidson!!

What else was the same? The escalation at the very end. Feeling the intense urge to push, popping my own bag of waters by bearing down and feeling relief that I was actually able to do SOMETHING (anything) during contractions besides just distract myself with breathing and humming.

What was different? EVERYTHING ELSE!! My induced contractions came one after the other after the other. They were like waves crashing on shore during a big storm. There was no break, there was no time to breath or recover (let alone answer questions and sign paperwork). And as a result, I was exhausted, insane, not dilating, and had to take a narcotic to relax enough to let nature take its course.

My non-induced contractions never came closer than 3 minutes apart. Some were pretty intense, but some were downright tolerable. At their height I was still able to breath and try and distract myself without hyperventilating or going into an emotional break down. The “height” was probably a twenty minute period right before my water broke versus a 2 hour period that still seems like the longest worst slowest time in my life.

So… my message after going through both is exactly as I had thought and hoped it would be. Try try try with all your might to not go through induction if you don’t have to, and if you do have to, don’t beat yourself up for taking some drugs or doing whatever you need to make it work for you.

Baby Charlie Meets His Brother Simon…
Since our 24 hours in the hospital was pretty second nature and boring, I’ll skip right to the good stuff. I’m breaking it into another post, so people not interested in reading birth stories don’t ever have to skip through the insane journal entry I just posted above :)

17 Month Old Toddler vs Mr. Any Day Now

Thu, 02 Jun 2011 10:39:00 -0400

It’s hard being the parent of a toddler AND being this pregnant. I’m just going to come right out and say it. But, it certainly is going to be infinitely harder to be the parent of a toddler and the parent of a newborn, so I try and appreciate my situation… try and not be annoyed that Simon is getting faster and livelier as I am getting slower and sluggish.

This logic is exactly why, despite as crazy as it sounds, we packed up our entire house and moved into a new one in the past month. (And still had time for a Memorial Day getaway) Because it is as simple as this… as crazy as things are, they can only get crazier, so you might as well go for it…

Simon the Blabbermouth
Never before has Simon been so talkative as he is right now, and it is a delight (well, mostly a delight).

Less a delight when he shrieks at the top of his lungs out of frustration that he…
A. Took his shoe off and can’t get it back on
B. Unbuckled his car seat chest strap (great!) and can’t put it back
C. Got a doorway blocked or a dangerous “toy” taken away
D. Decided the restaurant would be a good place to test his lungs
E. Tries to do something well beyond his capacity and fails

More a delight when he continues to surprise us with the words he knows and the context he knows how to use them in. For example, “ALL DONE” was an early phrase he learned for the end of meals, but he will now use to signify anything he has finished with. It’s “ALL DONE” when a cup goes empty. It’s “ALL DONE” when he’s ready to get out of the bathtub. It’s also “ALL DONE” when he doesn’t want to be in the car seat any more or has decided he’s ready for you to open the baby gate and let him downstairs. That’s when it is harder to explain that he may want to be “ALL DONE” but that doesn’t mean he gets to be.

Other words… “COOKA” is a big one, which means cookie, which really means animal crackers. He even knows where they are stored in our house and at daycare, and will stand outside the pantry and point while telling me “COOKA”. “DER YA GO” or “HERE” are phrases that denote he is done with what is in his hands and wants you to take it. He also will say “HI” and wave “BYE BYE”… but the most hilarious one so far has been his new obsession with “PEEPEE”, which has to be said with a big grin and a whisper. He means of course… his penis. Which he will happily grab during diaper changes, and wave “BYE BYE” to as we put it away. He is so delighted by his “PEEPEE” that we have used it in place of “CHEESE” during photos to get him to smile.

I’m Just Like You But Smaller!!
I’m continually shocked at how interested a little toddler is at being just like mom and dad, but I’m even more shocked at how quickly he picks things up and tries to imitate us… shocked and a little more worried about what behaviors or words I might be doing in front of my kid. We have reached the “sponge” age where he absorbs anything even after one viewing.

Examples… After one ride on the moped with Tom (very safely at low speeds in our driveway), it had to be perhaps even a month later, but when he saw the moped in the garage, he got up on it, touched the handles, and made the noise “BRRRRRRRRR”. He also has picked up my curling iron (not plugged in) and tried to curl his hair. He’s attempted to use my make-up brush, hair brush, and even Tom’s nasal spray. He’s very happy to try and “brush his teeth” even running the toothbrush under water and putting on toothpaste. Of course, he always wants us to sing the toothbrush song as he does it.

Songs are another thing he tries to imitate. He tries singing, but only manages to get out a few notes… like “EIEIO” (well not really even the “O”) or imitate his laughing turtle stuffed animal going “HAHAHA”. But it’s very brief… cuz the poor little guy just can’t remember more than a few notes at a time.

It’s not just imitating us that he finds amazing. When we make his stuffed animals imitate people, we just as well may have told him the funniest joke in the entire world. We are AMAZING comedians in the eyes of our toddler. If we pretend to feed a stuffed animal or if a stuffed animal gives us a kiss, it is pure comic genius. Simon also gets very interested in feeding his own stuffed animals, which gets very messy, because it isn’t always pretend food.

Finally, there is the general understanding of our actions and directions as adults that amazes me. I can tell him to “COME HERE” or “GIVE THAT TO MOMMY” or “GO FIND DADDY” and he knows exactly what I’m talking about. But the biggest surprise was when my husband actually embarrassed Simon… “MUH MUH MUH” while pointing has become Simon’s way of indicating he wants an object, usually a food while eating. One night while eating out, Tom pointed to Simon and did it right back to him… and the kid stopped, looked down with a big grin and turned BRIGHT RED. HE WAS BLUSHING!!! He knew that Daddy was making fun of him and he was embarrassed!!

The Not So Sweet Life
It isn’t, of course, all fun and games. Some things about having a toddler are a nightmare and a constant drain on your patience, energy, sanity, and confidence.

Feeding time!! This is a particular nightmare. If we are going out to eat, even more so. We have to order his food as quickly as possible and keep him occupied through multiple methods. Even then, he will reach his limit and we will usually end up downing our meals and rushing out the door.

Meals at home are a mixture of really good days and bad days. Sometimes he is a non-stop vacuum and surprises us with his grown up palate… eating olives, hummus, green beans by the handful, fresh asparagus. Sometimes even the no-brainer foods end up getting spit out and eventually on the floor. Worst is when he refuses to even try a food, especially one that you know he’d like. And the “on the floor” thing is the pits.

The worst part… doubting yourself. How do I teach him not to put stuff on the floor? Do I end mealtime? But that is also what he wants, and I want him to eat. Should I let him scream in the restaurant and learn to be patient? Or should I shove entertaining objects in his face in an attempt to buy Mommy and Daddy a few more minutes to enjoy their evening out?

The not-so-fun stuff is also our little monster’s persistence to get into everything, try everything, taste everything, and his absolute intolerance for being told “NO”. Sometimes it is flat out dangerous… like trying to unplug and replug in electrical cords, or turn the oven knobs, or lift something way too heavy for him, or climb on top of an unstable chair, or run right out into traffic. The kid seriously wants to kill himself at all times and would.

Sometimes you find yourself compromising. That thing isn’t really THAT dirty, he can put that in his mouth. If he gets hurt doing THAT then at least he will learn a valuable lesson. If the hurt wouldn’t be scarring or the fact that he broke it wouldn’t be that bad, then you just gotta let it slide… or else you are running around saying “NO” to everything, which would make our scientist very upset. And so we compromise… you can touch this but not that, you can do this but not that. I guess that would make a suitable toy??

I don’t know if it is right, but it is how I stay sane. That and taking him to as many places I can where he can roam free, touch stuff, and not kill himself… thank you playgrounds, mall playscapes, childrens museums, wide open parks and babyproofed houses. There is nothing worse than going over to a house that is insanely un-babyproof and chasing your kid around for a few hours.

And Then There Was Four…
So yeah. That’s crazy, and like I said, as exhausting and crazy and fascinating as it all is, I have to keep telling myself that it is only going to get crazier, because Charlie is due any minute. Like ANY minute.

Simon doesn’t know what he is in for. I don’t know how to tell him. But I have finally reached that stage of pregnancy where I am no longer in fear of giving birth, of painful labor, of exhausting nights ahead… because it is all better than being 9 months pregnant. It is better than the aches, the swollen feet, the tiredness, getting kicked HARD in my sides or head butted in my cervix.

It is a new adventure ahead for the entire family, and for better or worse, it is an adventure I am ready to take. So bring it!

Guesses for Charlie’s birthday.

Wed, 25 May 2011 09:22:00 -0400

Guesses for Charlie’s birthday.

Fourteen Months... Countdown to Big Brother Time

Sun, 06 Mar 2011 23:07:00 -0500

It’s been a couple months since I posted last. Running around chasing after a busy busy toddler can be pretty exhausting!! Simon is certainly not the baby that he was half a year ago. He is a definitely little boy.

Figuring Out How To Communicate

Simon seems to be adding new words to his vocabulary on a weekly basis. It’s still very basic at best, but in the past couple weeks he has become very attached to the word “Uh-Oh”. He will say it whenever he drops something, whenever someone else drops something, and sometimes when he just feels like it. Other popular words are “Hi!” which is usually accompanied by a hand wave, and sometimes if he is feeling willing enough he will say “Hi Daddy!”

It’s pretty amazing to witness. Sometimes he tricks me and says something I swear was clear as day a word or phrase… like “Thank You” or “Kitty” and then it will be weeks without hearing anything like it again. So I’m not sure how large his vocabulary is at this point, only that it is growing.

Also, he seems to be really into vocal imitation. Whether it is clicking or tongue out or trying to sing a song with you or laughing because you are laughing. I guess now would be a good time to consider stopping saying phrases we don’t exactly want imitated back to us :)

Playing Games and Figuring The World Out

Every day I am shocked at the stuff that this kid is figuring out. I’m not going to claim that he’s going through anything exceptional, only that I’m astounded at how quickly the little human brain can start to grasp concepts… whether they be social or physical.

Physical play… Simon can how put together lego blocks, stack objects on top of objects, try and put puzzle pieces in a board. He is very obsessed with putting “things” inside of “things”, whether it be tupperware inside other tupperware or taking something from one cabinet and placing it in another (fun!). It’s even evolved into some more mature needs during food time, such as the desire to put “finished” food onto a different plate and to use utensils.

Social play… Simon has strongly embraced the concept of hide and seek. He doesn’t quite hide very well, but he gets so excited to be found. You can usually watch him fidget in anticipation as we pretend to not see him. Hiding also comes in handy with his new shy “phase”, where he likes to hide behind my or Tom’s legs whenever anyone new (or not so new - like grandparents) come into contact with him.

He also has begun dancing to music that especially interests him. And has learned the ins and outs of certain routines (I go upstairs, start my CD player, drink my milk and read a book before bed)… and will sometimes help to complete these steps knowing what order they come in.

With New Development, Comes New Defiance

In the same way that Simon is trying to test the physical boundaries around him… does this fit into that? Should that go there? He is also trying to test his boundaries with us. And quickly we are entering into the fun stage of toddler-dom… Discipline.

Although he is too young to grasp the ideas of why it might be okay to touch one thing and not another, why this goes in my mouth and this doesn’t. He does seem to understand that there are some things mommy and daddy don’t want him to do, and he will try to do them any way… he’s seeing what happens, he’s seeing if we respond every time or just sometimes.

He’s a behavioral scientist, he’s a little alien in a foreign world trying to figure out the cultural norms. And he isn’t afraid to voice his opinion if he is frustrated with the results of his experiments. I’m trying to stay smart, consistent, kind but firm… using age appropriate language such as “no touch” and “yes touch”, but it is hard and continually proves to me how exhausting setting limits is and why there are lots of parents who don’t.

What Lies Ahead…

So I am sure parents of older toddlers are even laughing at the idea of disciplining at 14 month old as being tiresome. Indeed the road that lies ahead is only bumpier. But I can’t help but be excited at the thought of Simon continuing to grow and of the addition of a new family member, little brother Charlie.

Just as we were getting used to the unit as it is, the whole thing is going to shake up. Stay tuned… for the next time I post it might be introducing the Strickland family member #4 :)